Renungan Harian - House Of Peace

Though I accepted the Lord as my Savior around age 7, my parents, 3 younger brothers and I moved around too much to become established at church or anywhere else. 12 schools in 13 years.

The top priority in our household was to stay out of my parent’s way. Dad had a nasty temper and Mom was overwhelmed with having 4 kids in 5 yrs. We never heard “I love you” or got hugs from our parents, but there was plenty of abuse to go around. Leather belts on bare behinds sting terribly but ridicule and sarcasm hurt even more. I was sexually molested by an uncle repeatedly. I felt pretty worthless a lot of the time and had little reason to think differently. This is what’s known as a “textbook setup” for lots of relationship trouble as an adult.

I retreated to my bedroom frequently as a teenager for many long hours, sewing cute clothes and stringing teeny-tiny seed beads into great long necklace ropes. It was therapeutic somehow.

Though I did well in school, there was no money for college and loans were never mentioned as an option. I did however win a scholarship to go to beauty school for free based on an essay that I wrote. So I went and I did very well, though my parents indicated that hairdressing was beneath me.

Over the next few years, life got tougher. A brother died in an accident. Someone slipped and told me that my dad was not my biological father. By the time I was 34, there would be two marriages, 2 divorces, and two children. And a year at business school, paid for courtesy of NYS taxpayers while I was on welfare in between husbands. It was at business school I met and became fascinated with the computer. Being on welfare was humbling but taught me how to budget.

Professionally, there would be many jobs, either doing hair, selling department store cosmetics or office reception work. There was also a lot of partying, a lot of dating and a lot of self-absorption. I was a work-out queen and had abs of steel. Everywhere I went, people would tell me I looked like Julia Roberts. Once I focused on hairdressing, my career became quite successful…130 clients and about $13-1500 a week coming in. My self-worth was defined by my looks and my reputation as a good hairdresser.

God was nowhere in the picture (or so I thought) and hadn’t been for over 20 years. I had even begun to doubt His existence. I was becoming cynical and bitter in other ways as well. But I was having fun, doing what I wanted, working hard and looking good.

Then something strange happened right before I turned 40. My hair started falling out, for no apparent reason. In 3 months, pretty much all the hair on my head, eyebrows, eyelashes and body hair simply fell off. The diagnosis was an autoimmune disease called alopecia areata, and I had the most severe type – alopecia universalis. Sounds almost pretty, doesn’t it?

Now, I could lose a leg, or an eye or my hearing maybe, and it wouldn’t have affected me as deeply. But my hair? This shook me to the core. What would I be without my long, thick wavy auburn hair? The hairdresser with no hair? A bald Julia Roberts???

I fell to my knees in my little apartment and cried to God to help me. I knew this was going to change everything, and I knew I couldn’t get through it without His help. I asked forgiveness for doubting Him, for leaving Him and for my sinful lifestyle. The pain of my hair loss and the consequences of my sin culminated that day in a recommitment to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I found a church home and family and craved His truth.

During that time I quoted Phillipians 4:13 a lot. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And He did. It wasn’t easy doing hair all day while mine was falling out, and later, when it was all gone.

But by God’s grace, I found great wigs wholesale and even sold a few here and there to cancer patients and a woman with this same disease who had heard about me though the idea of selling wigs as an adjunct to my business seemed too bizarre.

Though I had sworn off men because of the likely rejection I’d face when they found out I was wearing a wig, THIS was the time the Lord chose to bring a most special man into my life. He placed his life in Christ’s hands shortly after we met. And a year and a half later, we got married. And quickly, before he had the chance to think about what a bald old lady with wrinkles would look like.

My hair grew back, we put a salon in our home and had a baby girl. Then about half of my hair went again. I had hoped it would be a one-time incident – sometimes it is. This second bout proved that I would most likely cycle in and out of hair loss for the rest of my life. Though more annoyed than devastated by it this time, I dragged my wigs out of storage and thanked God it wasn’t a more serious disease.

Then a series of amazing things happened – things non-believers would call coincidence (but we know better!). The Lord used a good friend’s experience with breast cancer and a host of other things to bring me to a decision.

Now, about 10 of the 18 hours I work every week are devoted to cancer patients, women with alopecia areata and others struggling with medical hair loss . I take no profit on the sale of these wigs. If they didn’t know it before I met them, they learn within about 15 minutes that I deal every day with what they are facing. If someone can’t afford a wig, my church will buy her one (local residents only).

I fit these women with beautiful, stylish “alternative hair” while gently making the point that they will gain an entirely new perspective on what beauty is over the next few months. There are tears and laughter, anger and prayers, shaving and primping. And hopeful smiles. I give God the glory every chance I get and get more hugs in a week than I had the first 18 years of my life. What an incredible honor to be used by God in this way.

I still sew, but now it’s silk linings into wigs that irritate sensitive scalps. And I still string beads, but now with silver, gold, crystal, semi-precious stones and vintage beads. Women have been donating jewelry that can be taken apart and born again (pun intended!) into a new creation and then sold to support the wig ministry. The #1 seller is The Salvation Bracelet. It’s been very rewarding to design a web site promoting this ministry click here and I hope to get my testimony on there soon.

My abs are soft now but so is my heart. My 3 yr old daughter enjoys parading around the house in Ma-ma’s hair and shows great interest in hairdressing. My 18 yr old son just changed his college major…for the 3rd time…to computer science. My oldest son has a legacy from my biological father – schizophrenia. My husband and I rely on the Lord every minute of every day for strength with that.

Most importantly, it doesn’t matter who my earthly father is. My heavenly Father has redeemed me, loves me, provided me with clear purpose for my life and has brought everything together for good. Because Jesus suffered for me, I don’t have to suffer anymore. Leaving my pain, shame and guilt at the cross frees me from the mess I had made of my life. With the clean slate provided by the blood of Christ, I can now get past myself and help others in their suffering. Praise God for taking our broken-ness and making something truly beautiful with it – a reflection of Him – a reflection that has nothing to do with an image in a mirror.